"The Way is Long! The Path is Mean...
Ain't No Way Across It 'Cept To Swim or Sink or Die" (*bard Jesse Welles*)
(If you’re curious about the co-writing credit: God helpfully provided the Biblical text I riff on in the final poem, which you can skip ahead to by clicking here—>)
Hello There, Friends! Readers! Audients!
(“Audient” is a word I know from Scrabble, which has a sacred powerful meaning for a talkative person like myself: One Who Listens.)
I apologize for my recent silence!
About a week and a half ago, I realized that the podcast episode that was already a few days overdue (one I was loving working on… about psych-based techniques for being there for yourself & others when things are tough) was not gonna happen. (It’s still in the works, though! It was just a bit ambitious to complete in one week.)
At the same time—I realized I was *also* too beat to get started on the next installment of Heidi Reads Heidi to You.
Soooooooooo I decided to record a brief audio message letting you know what’s up—
and even THAT hasn’t happened!
We ARE back on track, there WILL be an ep in the next week. (A Heidi one, so we don’t lose track of her adventures in the Alps.)
You’ve probably already guessed the Why and How behind all of this: Coping with the chaos has taken aaaaalllllll my energy!
BleurgCK!
But the good news is:
IT SEEMS TO BE WORKING.
I AM COPING.
”How?!”, you ask?
“LET ME TELL YOU!”, I say!
/from the “less helpful coping strategy” category—>/
1. Shaking with Anger and Venom
as I repeat the following VERY loudly:
(The “them” I refer to are the Hatemongers and the… folks?… who enable them, those who have taken away the bare gruel they give tiny children in danger of starvation in other countries; of course it wasn’t just the Gruel of It All, it was and is the on and on and on and on-ness of it, the neverstoppingness, the decimating outwards and everywards of trauma and harming and hurting and danger… the ugly malicious gleeful sociopathic smugbullyingness of it…)
I hate them so much, I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them.
To the point that afterwards my nervous system was as spent as if I’d done a demanding cardio routine.
Weird.
More than a wee disconcerting.
/moving towards the “more helpful coping strategy” category—>/
2. Writing Poetry… Mellifluous Goddamn Poetry! Award-winning Level Shit!
This is ALSO weird, as I haven’t really written poetry as an outlet for Too Big Too Much Where Do I PUT This Feelings… since I was in my teens! Decades and decades ago! Millenia almost.
But there you go.
I will share the poems I’ve been writing at the end.
But here’s a teaser, of a “sort of a poem” Poem: (currently untitled but I AM!! accepting suggestions!)
An STD became sentient.
Became an actual human person…
And you elected him President!
TWICE!
What the fuck were you thinking?!
HAVE YOU NO RESPECT FOR SCIENCE?!?!:?!?!?
...
/\...
/\/\/\...
Ding-dong dum-dums, don't you KNOW?!
There is only ONE place for a Sentient STD:
THE L.A.B.O.R.A.T.O.R.Y.!
Science needs to STUDY shit like that, you fucknugs!
What were you thinking.
(have i ever mentioned, i’m a devoted student of nonviolent communication? not sure i’m fluent yet)
3) Gardening
I’m become utterly bonkers OBSESSED with Gardening.
Like many hours a day. (Yes it is still winter where I live.)
Did you know there are many many hours of gardening restoration videos on youtube? And that they are GREAT? Like visual ASMR?!?
Did you know you can watch them all night until the Sun comes up? Then go straight outside and Garden?
(Well, I haven’t done this… YET. But I bet you could.)
I will share my favorite thus far. I love this sweet stylish genius so much. He seems like he’s Steampunk on the inside (no reason for me to say this, just a vibe), Art-Architecture-Woodworking Savant on the outside. With a little Portlandia hipster thrown in for good measure. (Also—for other youtube rabbitholers—a hint of Beau Miles! My fave Scavenger Upcycler HeroDownUnder.)
I literally gazed for several moments in open-mouthed wonder when he got to the Fish Scale Siding— and that was JUST THE BEGINNING.
Also, if anyone requests it—I will share evidence of my own (humble) gardening! Either a video or photo album of some kind. I’m semi-excited to share but, BION (Believe It Or Not—is that a thing?) I’m a bit shy about it. So I thought I’d wait until The People Insist. (TPI..?)
4) Listening to Jesse Welles (hellswelles on youtube) on Repeat and Learning His Lyrics By Heart
Jesse is for realz like who Bob Dylan pretended to be (the persona he wore for awhile) in the early years. But like—a genuine Woody Guthrie (This Land is Your Land) throwback. All about social justice and common humanity in a committed heartfelt way.
And he can REALLY play, and REALLY sing.
And that mop of hair! Those eyes that pierce deep into the soul of the universe!
The day or two after my Fury-Rage-Venom-Hate-Anger attack, watching THIS was the first and only thing that helped.
But since then, other things have helped. Like writing these poems and knowing I could share them with you… (Just below.)
Enjoy these staggeringly impressive poems. Comment or write back and tell me what you’ve been doing to cope—the helpful and not-so-helpful!
POEM #1: (I had more formatting options in google docs—you’ll see, it zings—)
(PREVIEW—> )
LOVE IS PATIENT, Love is kind. HATRED is impatient, Hatred is unkind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. Hatred is shockingly greedy and covets everything in sight. It is boastful, it is vain, it is puffed up by not-so-pleasant fumes emanating from the foul, rotting soulmatter everdrifting down the bottomless pit of its godforsaken pride.
POEM #2: Complicity (aka You Let Them) ("In order for understanding and repair to happen, they have to hear what their vote means to you, and how it hurt you--and they have to care." --Sue & Ann on a recent ep of Therapist Uncensored) Our cousin & his BFF-- the known "sex pest"-- and how you let them come to our tween daughter's birthday party. The well-meaning guy who has always had a bit of a temper and you let him watch our pets when we trusted you. The home we took our aging parents, and put them there to stay--because you vouched for it-- But you did it for selfish reasons, and they died with bedsores and bruises. My nonviolent peaceloving friends says you're loving and caring underneath. maybe? maybe more than I am looking to see. The way I see, the reason it hurts so scary angry destructive awful much: Cruelty is the Brand. Pitchforks are just the Beginning. Maybe you didn't, but maybe you did, maybe you bought a Pitchfork or drove someone to the Pitchfork store or donated to a Pitchfork gofundme It seems a helluva lot like you are the screaming white parents spitting at 5-yr-old Ruby Bridges making her proper, brave, prayerful way to school. Swallow your spit. Stop your screaming. Go back home. Kill your ancestors and never be born... ...IF you're going to be hateful and cruel and all pitch-fucky. Ruby would hate for me to hate you so I'll try not to in her honour.
(Norman Rockwell, The Washington Post)
Love(? i’m trying here) from your friendly neighborhood--
Heidi
p.s. The psychologist Robert Coles interviewed Ruby Bridges in-depth while she was in the midst of her school integration activism/ self-sacrifice. She had and has such profound moral character. (I believe this interview and some of her drawings are included in Coles’ book The Spiritual Lives of Children. Worth reading, esp when you get a bout of the Angries.)
(Post title inspired by Jesse Welles & the song linked to in this post, Art by Stormseeker, Nik, Jacqueline O’Gara, Naoki Suzuki and Arash Payam on Unsplash + Wolfgang Eckert on pixabay. And Norman Rockwell. Poetry obvs by God & me. Gardening by MotherFuckingNATURE.)
NOTE:
Tell me/ us what is hurting and what is helping you. Comment or write or send a voicemessage! Speak your mind and heart in full!
(If you don’t want to tell the Sad Sack, tell the Discouraged Robot…)
ALSO:
SEND ME YOUR POEMS OF PROTEST!
Send to themakingsensepod@gmail.com
(or subscribe to this substack and reply to the next post you receive).
Share whatever links/ etc you would like to have shared with your poem.
VOICEMESSAGES VERY VERY WELCOME! You can give your name1 and where you’re from and read/ recite the poem! (Plus mention relevant websites.) Google Voice: (208) 918-2068. The damn thing cuts off at 3 minutes without any real warning but take as many tries as you like. You may be heard on any upcoming pod ep!
(For the very advanced, you are welcome to send an audio recording file, even a long one, via email.)
ON THE NAME THING: First names only are fine. Aliases are fine. Elaborate author bios with loads of social media links etc are ALSO genuinely fine. Whatever you’re most comfortable with!